Metro Monthly

By Karen Chambers
Special to the Metro Monthly

Miss VanSnobsky called. You spoke with her and accepted the appointment for tomorrow at 10 a.m. Today you went out to Burlington and bought a simple suit with matching blouse or shirt, a pair of comfortable shoes and in a moment of insanity, stopped off at the mall and bought fire engine red Victoria Secret undergarments. If you’re Archimedes, the undergarments may be the subject of an entirely different self-help article, but you’re Brunhilda and thus allowed these departures withoAut fear of raised eyebrows.

Today’s young gentlemen seem to prefer the trousers hanging below the hip, a shirt that had recently been flying on a flagpole in a windy city and a tie that may have secured Rover to his kennel. The scruffy and reluctant beard may wow the girls at the local tavern but for a job interview, you might want to invest in a clean blade or trimmer and tidy up the castaway look.

Do not over-dress. You are not going to the prom so the tux or floor-length gown is overkill. Brunhilda, the makeup does not need to be an inch deep on your face! Archimedes, if your hair is long, pull it back into a ponytail – please!

Do not under-dress. Use your discretion – uhmm . . . no, nevermind, don’t use your discretion – some of us are not born with the discretion gene. Ask for help, look at the way others dress for similar positions in the clerical department at Acme Widget Co. then notch it up one step for your interview. Do a driveby previewing if necessary.

Neatness still counts even in 2008 - the year of the anti-crease. Cleanliness also counts – one must hasten to draw the dissimilarity between clean and drenched in cologne. Spraying the entire container of Axe or Eau de Ugh on yourself just as you exit the elevator to attend your interview is not a good thing. It does not make you smell clean. It just makes you smell. It makes the plants in the reception area wilt. It makes Miss VanSnobsky sneeze and it makes your interview much shorter than required to hire you.

Whether male or female, you must have a thorough shower, wash the hair, apply deodorant and if you must, please, for the sake of global warming and the sensitive proboscis of your interviewer, allow yourself just a dab or merest splash of a good scent. That said, few things can beat the simple smell of a freshly washed body and hair and clean clothes.

Arrive a few minutes early. Perhaps 10 minutes or so. Do not get there are 8 a.m. if your appointment is at 10 a.m. It impresses no one other than the night watchman. Do not arrive late. If you are running late for a very good reason (alien abduction, swarm of locusts or Elvis sighting) Do call ahead, apologize (don’t mention Elvis) and give your new estimated time of arrival.

‘Tis the moment of truth. Your interview is about to begin. You’re ready, lights dim and somewhere (preferably only in your head) a voice says “Action!”

Bear in mind: Your interview started the moment your resume was received. Each step after that is a part of the process hopefully leading to the job offer and beyond.
You’re now sitting with the potential employer. Sit up, do not slouch. Be relaxed but alert. Make eye contact regularly. If you’re staring out the window and reply “huh?” it’s not a good thing.

Answer the questions honestly. If you’ve never performed heart surgery do not imply that you have. Answer what was asked. If they’ve asked you what sort of clerical positions you’ve had in the past, please do not launch into a spirited recount of the time you went to Bob’s Tavern and got so drunk you missed work the next day .
Turn off your cell phone and remove your Bluetooth! Leave it in your purse or pocket or in the car. It is horribly rude to take a call during an interview. It is distracting to have your cell phone go off during an interview. Surely the call from Sisyphus letting you know he thought your Facebook page was cool can wait.

Allow the interviewer to do most of the talking and to guide the direction of the conversation. Be polite but not sycophantic. Be assured but not arrogant.

Finally, a message to employers...
Having rambled on about the part the applicant plays in this J.O.B. game, it would be remiss not to mention the part the potential employer must also play.

The employer holds most of the cards but it behooves him or her to avoid lording it over the applicant. Politeness is a two-way street. Keeping the applicant waiting unnecessarily long is rude. Speaking down to the applicant is unbearably rude. If you must take a call, do excuse the interruption. Do not carry on your own irrelevant conversation with others, while the applicants just sits there. Do be aware of the applicant’s time and efforts.

Remember, at the end of the day, we’re people with feelings and quirks and sensitivities. Your employees are the only way your business will succeed. Be nice to them.